


this collision came mid bloom

by lesthowells



Series: when there's memories to be made (ii tour fics) [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14575005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesthowells/pseuds/lesthowells
Summary: “You’re so beautiful you know that right, I can’t believe you’re real.” His voice comes out in an intentional whisper, he cannot look away from Phil’s eyes or move from the spot where he is standing. His sense of time feels distorted





	this collision came mid bloom

 

 

It’s dark by the time they leave the theatre, the vaguely neon lights from the carpark are the only source of light nearby. The show had finished an hour ago and like most nights, it leaves them buzzing with an adrenaline high. They got a lift back to their hotel but they both agree they don’t have any intent to sleep yet.

They venture out again on a mission to get snacks to satisfy Phil’s cravings but also to attempt to dispel some of the left-over energy buzzing through them. Some nights they were too exhausted and merely crashed into sleep as soon as they got back but some nights they needed time to settle and found that going for a walk was therapeutic. Tonight in particular was one of those nights. Dan finds the contrast is jarring, the quiet calmness of the streets so completely different from the roaring screams and ringing of thousands of people an hour ago. The cool night air is pleasant against his skin, they walk in step with each other, their shoulders bumping together occasionally.

It’s almost 10pm, on a bank holiday Monday so the closest shop to them that is still open is a Poundland. They exchange a glance in silence, Phil raises his eyebrows questioningly. It wasn’t as if there was much choice, they were at least another half an hour walking distance from the main shopping district and Dan had no intention of going that far, even for food. So he shrugs a shoulder in response, knowing Phil will understand the acknowledgement. The carpark is mostly empty and there is no-one else in sight. Dan cannot lie and say it doesn’t set is nerves on edge just that little bit, despite how ridiculous he knows it is.

“Is it even open?” Phil asks as they cross the empty parking spaces, the lights growing brighter as the approach

“It had better be.” Dan replies, he’d checked before they left the hotel but there is still a possibility that this could be a wasted effort.

“There’s no-one inside.” Phil says, they stop walking just outside the entrance. It is open, Dan can see a solitary person behind the cashier desk, but the shop is deserted. Again, Dan isn’t sure if this is better or worse than it being closed, the atmosphere unsettling.

He tries to reason with himself, tell his overactive brain to quieten down.

“It’s 10 o’clock Phil, it’s hardly going to be busy. Can we just go in, so we can leave, it’s kind of creepy.”

They leave five minutes later, supplies bought. It's probably way too many snacks but Phil insists that it’s okay and he will save some for the journey tomorrow. Dan highly doubts that will happen but rolls his eyes affectionately, Phil’s terrible habits with food do annoy him sometimes but after nine years, he cannot help but find it endearing.

It hits him like a punch in the stomach, so sudden that he stops dead still as they are walking out of the shop. Phil notices immediately and turns his head slightly, brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong?” There's vague worry in his voice and he stakes a step to approach but Dan jumps, holding his hand out in warning.

“Stay there, don’t move.” He drops the bag on the concreate below and reaches for his phone in his pocket, the look concern on Phil’s face intensifies.

“Dan, you’re freaking me out, what’s the matter?”

“You look incredible, like you have no idea how.” Dan can hardly form words, his chest constricting but not in the horrible familiar way. this was something completely different, a rush to attempt to capture on screen what he is seeing in real time.

He knows while he holds his phone up and focuses the screen that no camera, no matter how good it claimed to be, nothing would ever accurately capture Phil accurately, looking as stunning as he does in Dan's eyes right now. He has to try anyway, it's so fleeting, he needs to remember.

“You want to take pictures of me here, now, in carpark of all places?” Phil’s reply is incredulous, and Dan cannot blame him, he feels the spontaneity of it too. But Phil cannot see what Dan can see, he just hopes that Phil will believe him.

“Phil please, stay exactly where you are and trust me.” He looks into Phil’s eyes, the lights catching the colour and burst out like stars. A small smile spreads across his face, it makes Dan’s heart flip over.

Dan flights to steady his hands, he takes several dozen photos, changing the angle each time. He knows if anyone came past now how weird this would look, Phil is smiling again after several minutes have passed, his eyes watching Dan intently.

He shakes his head, it didn’t look right. “Stop that, just look neutral. “

Phil laughs softly in response, with a slight shake of his head. “Didn’t know smiling was against the rules.”

“You’re ruining the aesthetic. Just relax your face, please. A few more then we can go.” Dan moves closer, he looks up to meet Phil’s eyes.

There’s an intensity behind them now that wasn’t there before, and he is no longer smiling. Dan feels a shiver ripple down his spine, unrelated to temperature.

“You’re so beautiful you know that right, I can’t believe you’re real.” His voice comes out in an intentional whisper, he cannot look away from Phil’s eyes or move from the spot where he is standing.

His sense of time feels distorted, as if they entered another entity, in another plane of existence.

“I’m definitely real Dan, you can touch me.” Phil replies with amorous teasing and a definite smirk returning.

Dan shakes his head unable to hide his own smile from creeping across his face. “You’re impossible.”

“Says you, impulsive photographer.” Phil closes the distance between them and Dan has to fight against every instinctual urge not to pull the collar of Phil’s jacket and crash their mouths together right here and now.

He cannot do that, even though there was no-one visibly near them, he couldn’t be sure. Phil seems to be reading his thoughts, Dan feels his fingers touch his own just briefly.

“Are you done, can we leave now?” It's a genuine question but with a trace of intent underneath that Dan picks up on immediately, he feels Phil's thumb traces over the back of his knuckles.

Dan looks down at his phone, he’s taken 40 photos, at a glance they all look the same, but he knows that they aren’t, they’re all unique.

He pulls his gaze back up to Phil and nods, “Yeah, let’s go.”  
  
Dan doesn’t know what it is exactly; maybe he’s still feeling some of the high from the show, maybe it’s purely just Phil and the intensity of affection but he feels slightly brave. Enough to knock his knuckles against Phil’s as they walk back to the hotel, once, twice and the third time he grabs hold of Phil’s fingers. Phil must be able to feel the same because he instantly grips back, he’s nervous and a little despondent that he cannot do this simple thing without feeling some degree of worry, but he shakes that way. Phil’s hand is familiar and comforting in his own, the warmth spreads from his fingers up his arm and through his whole body.

His heart is pounding by the time they make it back to the hotel, they let their hands fall away from each other as soon as the automatic doors open and the cross the lobby. They don't speak until they are back inside their room, closing the door on the outside world. It's almost fifteen minutes before Phil finally speaks, he's sitting upright on the bed, his own phone in his palm. Dan looks over, there was such familiarity about the image despite them being miles from home.

“Let’s see these pictures then, I cannot see how me standing in a car park in Shefield can be anything glamorous.” Phil announces, voice sanguine and relaxed.

Dan shakes his head, feeling strangely self-conscious about showing them to Phil. It was silly, they weren’t pictures of himself and yet there is a sense of self protection for them.  
He wants Phil to believe how sincere he is. Dan wants Phil to believe him when that he is otherworldly gorgeous, because he is always. There was just something about that moment almost half an hour ago now, that transcended above everything- he doesn't even know why.

He sits down on the bed crossing his legs under him and passes his phone over and watches Phil's reaction closely.

The silence only lasts a moment, but it feels longer. He notices the gleam lift in Phil's eyes, a spark dancing in his irises. 

“They do look pretty cool, who knew a Poundland car park would be a source of such good lighting.”

Dan cannot tell how far Phil is joking and whether how much he actually likes the photos. Dan watches his expression again, trying to read some of the emotions behind his eyes, wishing he wasn’t so tired.

“Should I post one?” Phil asks causally, scrolling through the camera roll. Dan wonders why he felt more nervous than Phil right now, why were his thoughts racing.

“Yes. You should.” He is not going to say that’s why he took them in the first place because it would be a lie. He hadn’t taken them for the intention to share them with the internet, the purpose had been entirely selfish. He wanted to take the photo’s because he felt if he didn’t try to capture Phil in that very moment, the earth would fall from under his feet.

Dan will not deny Phil this though, cannot deny himself that he is intensely glad Phil wants to share it, more than that it’s his acceptance that he looks good. That above all things makes the all the blood rush to Dan’s head, the confidence radiating from Phil is dizzying.

When Phil does hit the post button, the response is immediate and all of the weird nervy feelings fluttering in Dan’s chest evaporate. He’s proud, still slightly overwhelmed but mostly glad that everyone else can see what he sees. It really was a good picture but the angle, the effective lighting all of that was secondary- the centre of it all was Phil himself.

Dan doesn’t think twice about liking the picture immediately, he knows what it looks like, the implications are obvious, but he doesn’t care right now. He crawls across the bed, settling down and resting his head against Phil’s shoulder watching him tweet the same picture and typing in a caption.

“It’s not the lighting y'know, it’s you.” Dan whispers, there’s no need to elaborate with context. Phil turns his head slightly to glance at him, eyebrows raised slightly.

“I feel like all this flattery is leading somewhere.” Phil responds with a grin, throwing an arm around Dan’s shoulders and reaching a hand into his hair.

Dan shakes his head, sinking further into Phil’s chest, feeling the tiredness wash over him. “I mean it. I always mean it.”

"Good because I'm exhausted." Phil yawns in reply, sinking further into the pillows.

Dan knows Phil is mostly joking and it feels nice, the blissful contentment growing ever more present in recent months. He likes that they can joke, be more transparent than they have been before. It had been a fully conscious decision between them both, not a change in how they present themselves- they are still themselves. It was more a decision to relax, to care less what people think and say. Dan had no problems admitting that that Phil was adapting to this process far quicker than he was.

It had been a gradual process of small steps, a few weeks of deliberation and an eventual haircut, a kickstart of wondrous confidence that was only growing. It's all the more evident in this picture Dan thinks as he looks at it again, even more so now that he has published it.

"It’s going to be okay.” Phil says, his voice low and gentle, the vibration of it ripples through Dan's ear that his pressed against Phil's breast bone. It’s never really a surprise anymore that Phil can sense almost every feeling vibrating through him, detect almost every change in thought no matter when or where.

“Yeah.” Is all Dan can reply, he doesn’t know what exactly is causing the nagging, unsettled feeling. Or maybe he does, he just doesn’t know how to put it into coherent thoughts or words.

“Don’t go too far away,” Phil whispers, his thumb stroking across Dan’s cheekbone. “I need you here with me.”

When Dan turns his head to look at Phil he knows he is undone again, the emotion is too much to talk, even to feel. He does what he has been aching to do since they were standing in the carpark earlier and crushes his mouth against Phil’s, who steals away all the urgency and replaces it with tenderness.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Dan wishes he could make a promise, but he cannot- Phil knows this too.

They settle back into the softness of the bed, Dan replaces his head against Phil’s chest. He feels the exhaustion now, the weight in his limbs and a fog clouding his head.

“I should have taken pictures of you too.” Phil murmurs sleepily, hands still in his hair but the movement is distinctly slower.  

Dan jolts his head once in disagreement. “You take enough of me, they’re probably sick of my face. I never look as good as you though.”

Phil pokes a finger into Dan’s ribs gently, before circling his arm around his waist. “Shush, if I wasn’t so tired I’d fight you.”

“We can fight in the morning, pistols at dawn.” At this point his mouth is speaking before his brain is even registering, he’s thankful that it is harmless nonsense- that he can deal with.

Phil mutters something in reply but it is too quiet and unintelligible for him to understand. He’s asleep a minute or so later, his mouth open slightly, soft breaths rushing through Dan’s ears.

Dan wishes sleep upon himself, he wants to wake up bright and refreshed, the strange unsettled feeling in his chest gone. They’ll be more nights such as this, the twist and turn of thoughts and feelings seemingly out of his control. Expect they weren’t, not really. He had sort of proved that tonight, with the pictures and the walk back to the hotel. But Dan also knows that not every night can be like this, the freedom of opportunity won’t be as easy to take.

It isn’t hopeless, he has overcome many hurdles, they both have. He can admit without hesitation that he is the happiest now, more settled and sure than he has ever been. Despite that, there still these moments where his brain would suddenly spark up and he feels himself fall back several paces. The hour is too late, he’s too tired and he doesn’t want to be awake any more. Dan moves ever so slightly, just enough that he can watch Phil’s face as he sleeps. It’s a familiar scenario, whenever he cannot sleep himself, watching Phil was comforting. He wasn’t alone, a contradiction to the spiral of thoughts inside his head, this was real and true.

He tries to think of what Phil would say if he was awake and inside Dan’s head, he would be calm and obvious in his attempts to reassure. He had the ability to rationalise things in a simplistic way, sometimes it infuriated Dan but it was only because he was unable to think that way himself. Sometimes it was good, sometimes he needed it.

Dan tells himself what he thinks Phil would tell him right now, if Dan were to tell him what was on his mind. Phil would say that it was okay, they had so much time to learn more and figure things out.

Dan hopes this is true, hopes that it will.

Eventually his eyes get too heavy, so he gives in, closing them and letting sleep begin to take him into a new day.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, you can find me 
> 
> [@lesthowells](http://lesthowells.tumblr.com/) on [tumblr](http://lesthowells.tumblr.com/post/173729972428)  
> 


End file.
